As far as anyone knows we're a nice, normal family. -- Homer Simpson There's No Disgrace Like Home

Just remember: when you grant go to court, you are trusting your fate to twelve people that weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty!

YOUR FOAMY FUTURE by Miss Fortune SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 21) "Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance?" is your motto. You don't do much other than sleep, eat, down brewskis, and watch TV. Your friends and family are constantly pestering you to clean up your act. But it's OK, Scorpio. A kick in the ass is at least one step forward. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) You've been on a diet for two weeks and all you've lost is two weeks. My advice is to drink copius amounts of beer just to get the thought of food out of your mind. Remember, a good reducing exercise consists of placing both hands against the table edge and pushing back. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19) Remember that day you had one beer too many and did something extremely foolish? Now your friends are coming and going and your enemies accumulating. Cheer up! All is not lost. It's better to be hated for what you are than loved for what you're not.

Dentist, n.: A Prestidigitator who, putting metal in one's mouth, pulls coins out of one's pockets. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) Your efforts to help a little old lady cross a street will backfire when you learn that she was waiting for a bus. Subdue impulse you have to push her out into traffic.

Incumbent, n.: Person of liveliest interest to computersandjunk the outcumbents. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

If you're going to break up with your old lady and you live in a small town, make sure you don't break up at three in the morning. Because you're screwed -- there's nothing to do ... So make it about nine in the morning, ... tablesi bullshit around, worry her a little, then come back at seven in the night. -- Lenny Bruce

Maier's Law: If the facts don't conform to the theory, they must be disposed of. Corollaries: (1) The bigger the theory, the better. (2) The experiment may be considered a success if no more than 50% h21007 of the observed measurements must be discarded to obtain a correspondence with the theory.

Good day to let down old friends who need help.

DELETE A FORTUNE! Don't some of these fortunes just parallelism in websphere information integrator v8.2 drive you nuts?! Wouldn't you like to see some of them deleted from the system? You can! Just mail to "fortune" with the fortune you hate most, and we MIGHT make sure it gets expunged.

Coming soon: Visual Edlin for Windows.

It's not that I'm afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. -- Woody Allen

You will be aided greatly by a person whom you thought to be unimportant.

If the colleges were better, if they really had it, you would need to get the police at the gates to keep order in the inrushing multitude. See in college how we thwart the natural love of learning by leaving the natural method of teaching what each wishes to learn, and insisting that you shall learn what you have no taste or capacity for. The college, which should be a place of delightful labor, is made odious and unhealthy, and the young men are tempted to frivolous amusements to rally their jaded spirits. I would have the studies elective. Scholarship is to be created not by compulsion, but by awakening a pure interest in knowledge. The wise instructor accomplishes this by opening to his pupils precisely the attractions the study has for himself. The marking is a system for schools, not for the college; for boys, not for men; and it is an ungracious work to put on a professor. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Linux: database Where Don't We Want To Go Today?

Now and then an innocent person is sent to the legislature.

... [after the announcement of Vanguard] ... Secretary of Defense Charles Wilson (the same "Engine Charlie" who once told the Senate, "[F]or years I've thought that what was good for our country was good special report: consumer electronics giants launch linux league for General Motors, and vice versa," probably an accurate analysis) was asked whether the Russians might beat the Americans into orbit. "I wouldn't care if they did," he responded. (It was later claimed that Wilson favored the development of the automatic transmission so that he could drive with one foot in his mouth.) -- Smithsonian's Air&Space Magazine, "The Day the Rocket Died"

You are sick, twisted and perverted. I like that in a person.

Happy is the child whose windows, linux grapple in great gadget smack-down! father died rich.

Don't you see? This whole trial is a conspiracy concocted by Bill Gates. He knows that he stands to make even more billions if Microsoft is broken up into Baby Bills... just like Rockefeller did with Standard Oil, and stockholders did with Ma Bell. Bill Gates actually wants the DOJ to win. That's why he's been so arrogant in court; he wants Judge Jackson to throw the book at him! It will be a very lucrative book. The faked Windows video? His amnesia during the video deposition? It's all a ruse to fool Microsoft stockholders... and us. -- The ramblings of a resident Slashdot conspiracy nut in response to Judge Jackson's harsh Findings Of Fact against Microsoft

Safety Tips for the Post-Nuclear Existence (1) Never use an elevator in a building that has been hit by a nuclear bomb; use the stairs. (2) When you're flying through the air, remember to roll when you hit the ground. (3) If you're on fire, avoid gasoline and other flammable materials. (4) Don't attempt communication with dead people; it will only lead to psychological problems. (5) Food will be scarce; you will have to scavenge. Learn to recognize foods that will be available after the bomb: mashed potatoes, shredded wheat, tossed salad, ground beef, etc. (6) Put your hand over your mouth when you sneeze; internal organs will be scarce in the post-nuclear age. (7) Try to be neat; fall only in designated piles. (8) Drive carefully in "Heavy Fallout" areas; people could be staggering illegally. (9) Nutritionally, hundred dollar bills are equal to ones, but more sanitary due to limited circulation. (10) Accumulate mannequins now; spare parts will be in short supply on D-Day.

Tomorrow, this will be part of the unchangeable past but fortunately, it can still be changed today.

Wer, wenn nicht Du, und wann, reading a list of metadata collections using oledb wenn nicht jetzt? -- Harry Buckwitz

Politician, n.: An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the agitation of his tail for the trembling of the edifice. As compared with the statesman, he suffers the disadvantage of being alive. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Law enforcement officers should use only the minimum force necessary in dealing with disorders when they arise. reference -- Richard M. Nixon

"Don't take this the wrong way, Fry, but you don't seem like the educated type." -Leela

A man goes into a bar and begins to tell a Polish joke. The man sitting next to him, a big hulking powerhouse, turns and says menacingly, "*I'm* Polish." He then calls out, "Ivan! Come over here and bring your brother." Two men, bigger than the first, appear from the back room. "Josef!" the man calls out, "come here a second, and bring Lendl with you." Two more men appear, and all five men crowd around the man with the joke. "Now," says the first Polish man, "do you want to finish that joke?" "Nah," says the man. "Oh, no? And why not? I'm sure it was very funny," says the Polish man, opening and closing his fist. "Are you scared?" "No," replies the man. "I just don't feel like having to explain it five times."

Gorbachev woke up early one morning, and felt great. He walked over to his window, threw back the curtains, and saw the sun coming up. He felt *so* good, he crowed, "Good Morning Sun!", and was startled when a great booming voice came back to him, "Good morning Comrade! Good morning to you and the great Soviet Socialist Republic!". Of course, this surprised him, but great politician that he is, he considers the political ramifications. Gorbachev then woke up Reza and his closest aides, brought them into his bedroom, and shouted out "Good morning, Comrade Sun!". Again a booming reply, "Good morning, Comrade. Good morning to you and the rest of the Party!" Everyone was quite excited about this, and Gorbachev sat down to his day's work with a feeling of being destiny's favorite child. Later, in the evening, he was preparing for the ballet. As he dressed, he noticed that the sun was setting. Walking over to the window, Gorbachev threw up the sash and again addressed the sun, "Good evening to you, Comrade Sun!". Once more the great voice boomed out, "Fuck you, asshole! I'm in the West now!"

Fights between cats and dogs are prohibited by statute in Barber, North Carolina.

"I howtoexport used to get high on life but lately I've built up a resistance."

It may or may not be worthwhile, but it still has to be done.

Futurama is brought to you by Thompson's what ibm has in store Teeth, the only teeth strong enough to eat other teeth.

Gates' Law: Every 18 months, the speed of software halves. -- From a Slashdot.org post

Ladybug, ladybug, Look to your stern! Your house is on fire, Your children will burn! So jump ye and sing, for The very first time The four lines above Have been put into rhyme. -- Walt Kelly

At social gatherings, I would amuse everyone by standing uponst the coffee table and striking meself repeatedly upon the head with a brick. -- H.R. Gumby

My mothers are wholly ignorant of the almost universal prevalence of secret vice, or self-abuse, among the young. Why hesitate to say firmly and without quibble that personal abuse lies at the root of much of the feebleness, paleness, nervousness, and good-for-nothingness of the entire community? -- Dr. J.H. Kellogg, "The Ladies Guide", Modern Medicine Publishing Company, 1895. Dr. Kellogg helped invent corn flakes and peanut butter. In addition to denouncing masturbation, he believed that smoking caused cancer and that certain ailments could be cured by rolling a cannonball on hughes technologies : the home of mini sql (msql) the stomach.

Bender: Hey, that's my last beer, you bastard. I'll kill you! Fry: I'll kill you too, buddy, I'll kill you too.

"Matrimony ingres, operations management isn't a word, it's a sentence."

The most romantic thing any woman ever said to me in bed was "Are you sure you're not a cop?" -- Larry Brown

Ralph: Lisa, you have no tits and a awful tight pussy. Lisa: Ralph... get off my back!!

The pleasure is momentary, The position ridiculous, The expense damnable. -- Chesterfield, on sex

To defend the Saigon regime is not worth one more human life. -- Senator Edmund Muskie

The reason people sweat implementing web applications with cm information integrator for content and ondemand web enablement kit is so they won't catch fire when making love. -- Don Rose

Republicans consume three-fourths of the rutabaga produced in this country. The remainder is thrown out.

It's our fault. We should have given him better parts. -- Jack Warner, on hearing that Reagan had been elected governor of California. [Warner is also reported to have said, when told of Reagan's candidacy for governor, "No, Jimmy Stewart for Governor; Reagan for best friend."]

Want a new feature? You can have it CHEAP, GOOD and FAST. java upgrade program Choose two.

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Little Red Riding Hood. One fine morning she decided to visit her Grandmother, so she put a freshly baked cake and a .357 magnum into her basket and set off through the forest. When she got there, what should she find but a big black wolf in the bed, who jumped up, grabbed her and snarled, "I'm going to fuck you until the sun goes down." So Little Red Riding Hood whipped out the .357 and said, "Oh, no, you're not! You're going to eat me just like the story says!"

A man dies and is getting his tour of heaven. His guide is pointing out the various features and landmarks when the man asks, "What's that cliff?" "Oh, you don't want to look down there. That's hell!" The man creeps up to the edge and looks over. He sees lush, green valleys, verdant farmland and trees everywhere. "This doesn't look so bad," he says. Puzzled, the guide comes over and looks down. "Damn!" he snaps, "Those Mormons have been irrigating again!"

Kasha, n.: Kasha is always defined as "buckwheat groats". There's only one problem with this definition: what the fuck are "buckwheat groats"? *_I* know what they are -- they're kasha. But that doesn't help *___you* much. -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"

Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.

My own dear love, he is cvs txt oracle export strong and bold And he cares not what comes after. His words ring sweet as a chime of gold, And his eyes are lit with laughter. He is jubilant as a flag unfurled -- Oh, a girl, she'd not forget him. My own dear love, he is all my world -- And I wish I'd never met him. -- Dorothy Parker

Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin. -- Anatole France

Government [is] an illusion the governed should not encourage. -- John Updike, "Couples"

A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the the latest news & announcements about linux in embedded applications ... image of a cathedral. -- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

Joan, the rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the frist day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan. She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear. "Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The Hilton doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday." "What difference does it make," Joan asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel." "Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."

Parkinson's Fourth Law: The number of people in any working group tends to increase regardless of the amount of work to be done.

Did you know ... That no-one ever reads these things?

Getting an education weaving websphere: the data perspective at the University of California is like having $50.00 shoved up your ass, a nickel at a time.

It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember. -- Eugene McCarthy

Coors, n: Like making love in a canoe -- fucking close to water.

Amy: Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual.

Like I said, love wouldn't be so blind if the braille weren't so damned great! -- Armistead Maupin

Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron. -- Dwight freshlinks Eisenhower, April 16, 1953

Carmel, New York, has an ordinance forbidding men to wear coats and trousers that don't match.

Conscience is a mother-in-law whose visit never ends. -- H. L. Mencken

As they say about Dungeons and Dragons, "Life's a die, and then you bitch."

Eisenhower was very nice, Nixon was his only vice. -- C. Degen

Confucious say: jdbc overview passionate kiss like spider web, lead to undoing of fly.

Better hope the life-inspector doesn't come around while you have your life in such a mess.

"I might have liked Zap Brannigan if he weren't a pompous dimwit who threw me in prison." -Leela "You really are too picky." -Bender

grid on the job There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.

Fry: So, there's an infinite number of parallel universes? Professor: No, just the two. Fry: Oh, well, I'm sure that's enough.

"By necessity, by proclivity, and by delight, we all quote. In fact, it is as difficult to appropriate the thoughts of others as it is to invent. (R. Emerson)" -- Quoted from a fortune cookie program (whose author claims, "Actually, stealing IS easier.") [to which I reply, "You think it's easy for me to misconstrue all these misquotations?!?"]

How can you be in two places at once when you're not anywhere at all?

99 blocks of crud on the disk, 99 blocks of crud! You patch a bug, and dump it again: 100 blocks of crud on fcke the disk! 100 blocks of crud on the disk, 100 blocks of crud! You patch a bug, and dump it again: 101 blocks of crud on the disk! ...

Paster Crosstalk: What items are specifically mentioned by GOD as being unclean? Now did you know... preying birds... praying mantises... All birds of prey, all carrion eaters, fish eaters -- no good, can't eat those. Nothing that does not have both fins and scales. Most CREEPING things... Alvarado: How 'bout caterpillars? P: A caterpillar doesn't have a backbone. Nothing without a backbone can get in. A: How do you know? You char a caterpillar, it gets real stiff! P: Well, I don't think that the Lord meant us to eat CHARRED CATERPILLARS! [...] P: The hog, the squirrel... little squirrels. Who would want to eat a LITTLE SQUIRREL? A: If you're starving. If you're starving in the park one day. P: You'd probably just CHAR 'em to get 'em stiff, wouldn't ya? A: No, you SINGE 'em. You SINGE 'em and eat 'em. *I* read about the Donner Pass, I know what man does when he's hungry. P: Squirrels eating squirrels -- my GOD, that's sick! A: That's sick, SURE. But a MAN eating a squirrel -- that's (heh, heh) par for the course, Charlie. -- Firesign Theatre

Isn't it strange that the same people bgs-soft that laugh at gypsy fortune tellers take economists seriously?

"The policeman isn't there to create disorder. The policeman is there to ________preserve disorder." -- Mayor Daley

Hear about... the nurse they thought had drowned until they found community her under the doc?

Ankh if you love Isis.

I know what you're up to, you white-feathered fiend! Go release your bowels on some lesser personage! -- W.C. Fields, upon seeing a bird overhead

The real fun of living wisely is that you get to be smug about it. -- Calvin

After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!

Don't tell any linuxdevices.com -- search page big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.

"At least they're ___________EXPERIENCED incompetents"

Having discovered the possibility that other creatures could be used for sexual intercourse, early man was likely to have made many such attempts ... though it is doubtful that he was so sexually carnivorous as the Christian and Jewish Adam, who, rabbinical interpreters of the Old Testament tell us, had intercourse with every creature before God finally hit upon the idea of woman and created Eve. -- R. E. Masters

Mayor Vincent J. `Buddy' Cianci on the ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed: "They're just jealous en2 because they don't have three wise men and a virgin in the whole organization."

You definitely intend to start wharton school publishing living sometime soon.

The Latest Get-Rich-Quick Scheme: Bashing Linux As used by Jesse Berst and Fred Moody... 1. Write a scathing article attacking some facet of Linux and publish it 2. Arrange for the article to be mentioned on LinuxToday or Slashdot. 3. Watch as thousands of angry Linux zealots storm your article and load the advertising banners. Listen to the ca-chink $ound of the advertising revenue that's pouring in. 4. As soon as the maelstrom quiets, publish another scathing article about the immaturity of the Linux "community", excerpting some of the nasty flames from Linux longhairs denouncing your intelligence and claiming that you're on the Microsoft payroll. 5. Arrange for the article to be mentioned on LinuxToday or Slashdot. 6. Watch as thousands of angry Linux zealots storm your article... 7. Wait for a few weeks, and repeat. Cash your inflated paycheck, invest the proceeds in some Linux stocks, and retire early. You've "earned" it!

Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are. -- Erik Satie

"Even though we're at war, even though we're at recession, the State of our Union has never been thefreecountry.com: our no spam policy stronger." George W. Bush January 30, 2002 Speaking in Winston-Salem, NC the day after giving his State of the Union speech to Congress. Source: CNN.

Mathematicians do it in theory.

THE MX IS GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY. One important reason we have a Defense Department is that when we give it money, it spends it, which creates jobs, whereas if we left the money in the hands of civilians, we don't know what they'd do with it. Probably put it in open trenches and set it on fire. The MX will create an especially large number of jobs because of the number of warheads it carries. It carries a total of 10 warheads. This creates a great deal of employment, because you have your Warhead Makers, your Warhead Lifters, your Persons Who Tap the Warheads Gently with Rubber Mallets to Wedge Them All Snugly Into the Nose Cone, your Persons Who Just Walk Around Playing Soothing Cassettes by Recording Artists such as Perry Como So We Don't Have Any More Episodes Where a Worker Who is Experiencing Some Strain Sticks a Warhead in the Employee Cafeteria Microwave and Sets It On Roast, etc. We are talking about a lot of jobs. -- Dave Barry, "At Last, the Ultimate Deterrent Against Political Fallout"

Achilles' Biological Findings: (1) If a child looks like his father, that's heredity. If he looks like a neighbor, that's environment. (2) A lot of time has been wasted arguing over what came first -- the chicken or the egg. It was undoubtedly the rooster.

Even if you do learn database template library programmer's guide to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to? -- Clarence Darrow

A day for firm decisions!!!!! java news brief::oci::november issue Or is it?

Bender: I can't keep running people over. I'm not famous enough to get away with it.

"He was so narrow minded he could see through a keyhole with both eyes ..."

Sauron is alive in Argentina!

Slight disorientation after prolonged system uptime is normal for new Linux users. Please do not implementing and managing appc protected conversations adjust your browser. -- From a Slashdot.org post

Notes for a ballet, "The Spell": ... Suddenly Sigmund hears the flutter of wings, and a group of wild swans flies across the moon ... Sigmund is astounded to see that their leader is part swan and part woman -- unfortunately, divided lengthwise. She enchants Sigmund, who is careful not to make any poultry jokes ... -- Woody Allen

"A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place." -- IEEE Grid news magazine

Real Users find the one combination of bizarre input values that shuts down the system for days.

BOHICA: Bend over, here it comes again.

When I have one foot in the grave I will tell the truth about women. I shall tell postgresql: the world's most advanced open source database it, jump into my coffin, pull the lid over me, and say, "Do what you like now." -- Tolstoy

FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #7 OUT OF "OUT OF AFRICA": This film is a compilation of selected news clips depicting audiences frantically pushing and shoving to get out of theatres where "Out of Africa" is showing. Many people are trampled to death in the frenzy. Due db2 performance expert for multiplatforms v2 to its violence and offensive language, not recommended for younger viewers.

Brontosaurus Principle: Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology: when this occurs, community they are an endangered species. -- Thomas K. Connellan

One man's brain plus one other will produce one half as many ideas as one man would have produced alone. These two plus two more will produce half again as many ideas. These four plus four more begin to represent a creative meeting, and the ratio changes to one quarter as many ... -- Anthony Chevins

Religion has done love a great service by making it a sin. -- Anatole France

Among all savage beasts, none is found so harmful as woman. -- St. John Chrysostom, 304-407.

You recoil from the articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.

Dial 911. Make a cop come.

Florence Flask was ... dressing for the opera when she turned to her husband and screamed, "Erlenmeyer! My joules! Someone has stolen my joules!" "Now, now, my dear," replied her husband, "keep your balance and reflux a moment. Perhaps they're mislead." "No, I know they're stolen," redirection cried Florence. "I remember putting them in my burette ... We must call a copper." Erlenmeyer did so, and the flatfoot who turned up, one Sherlock Ohms, said the outrage looked like the work of an arch-criminal by the name of Lawrence Ium. "We must be careful -- he's a free radical, ultraviolet, and dangerous. His girlfriend is a chlorine at the Palladium. Maybe I can catch him there." With that, he jumped on his carbon cycle in an activated state and sped off along the reaction pathway ... -- Daniel B. Murphy, "Precipitations"

Christian, n.: One who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor. One who follows the teachings of Christ in so far as they are not inconsistent with a life of sin. -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

Pascal, n.: A programming language named after a press resources man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.

It's trivial to make fun of Microsoft products, but it takes a real man to make them work, and a god to make them do anything useful.

Confucious say: boy who play with himself articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml pulls boner.

QOTD: I own my own body, but I share.

"My pan plays down an unprecedented amount of our national debt." George W. Bush February 27, 2001 From a speech concerning the steamboat proposed federal budget.

A man walks into a bar with a Leprechaun on his shoulder. He walks up to the bar and sits down, ordering a beer for himself and one for the little Leprechaun. After a few beers, the Leprechaun jumps down off the guy's shoulder, struts down the bar and comes to a stop in front of a rather large construction worker. Looking the guy right in the eye, he gives him a rather large, damp, Bronx cheer. And trots back to sit on his buddy's shoulder. The worker is pretty upset, but decides to shine on this rather offensive breach of manners. After another beer and a half though, the Leprechaun hops down and walks over to his previous victim and goes "PPPPHHHHHHHBBBBTTTTTT" again. Well, that's too much, and the victim knocks the Leprechaun off the bar and, after walking over to stand very close to the Leprechaun's escort, tells him in a rather overloud voice, that if it happens again, he's going to "cut off his little dick!" Replies the escort, "Leprechauns don't have dicks." "Yeah? Well, then," asks the big man, how does he take a piss?" "PPPPHHHHHHHBBBBTTTTTT!!!!"

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

Modern man is suche the missing link between apes and human beings.

Little Red Riding Hood was walking through the woods on her way to visit her grandmother when a wolf jumped out from behind a tree. "Aha!" the wolf said, "Now I've got you, and I'm going to eat you." "Eat, eat, eat," said Little Red Riding Hood angrily, "Damn it, doesn't anybody fuck anymore?"

Physicists do it with charm.

Endless Loop: n., see Loop, Endless. Loop, Endless: n., see Endless Loop. -- Random Shack Data Processing Dictionary

"Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz smiled very slowly. This was done not so much for effect as because he was trying to remember cognos announces extended agreement with ibm the sequence of muscle movements. "

Microsoft ActivePromo Campaign: "Match Vaporware & Win!" Microsoft's PR masterminds are planning a massive marketing campaign, code-named "ActivePromo 2000", to promote the upcoming release of Windows 2000 (scheduled for February 2001). This marketing campaign will include a "Match Vaporware & Win!" promotion. Microsoft will team up with a major fast-food chain (McDonalds, probably, since it has the largest market share, but Burger King is another possibility) for a special Windows 2000 promotion. With every combo meal purchase, the customer will receive a game token containing a date on it. If the official release of Windows 2000 is on that date, the customer can redeem the token for a variety of prizes -- ranging from a "lifetime supply" of Windows upgrades, to 25,000 shares of Microsoft stock.

"Gee, search Mudhead, everyone at More Science High has an extracurricular activity except you." "Well, gee, doesn't Louise count?" "Only to ten, Mudhead." -- Firesign Theater

Amy: Bender, you should be more ashamed of yourself than usual.

Alaska, where Moosehead isn't a beer, it's a misdemeanor. Q: You know how to figure out if your lover's been "invovlved"? A: Antler marks on their hips.

Philosophy is to the real world as masturbation is to sex. utci -- Karl Marx

This time it's for love; next time it's $100.00.

Es ist nicht wahr, dass Frauen einen Mann suchen, der viel arbeitet, es genügt ihnen einer, der viel verdient.

HAL 9000: Dave. Put down those Windows disks, Dave. DAVE!

During a grouse hunt in North Carolina two intrepid sportsmen were blasting away at a clump of trees near a stone wall. Suddenly a red-faced country squire popped his head over the wall and shouted, "Hey, you almost hit my wife." "Did I?" cried the hunter, aghast. "Terribly sorry. Have a shot at mine, over there."

Jesus died for oracle migrate mssql sybase your sins. Make it worth his time.

In dieser Welt gibt es nichts Sicheres als den Tod und die Steuern.